A chronological collection of my journey through trauma, healing, self-discovery, and growth. Start at the beginning and follow along as I learn to understand my patterns, confront my past, and uncover the person beneath them.
-
My Internal Chain of Command
Chapter I – Where my healing begins, one part at a time. Content note: This post discusses trauma, emotional abuse, CPTSD, anger, relationship harm, therapy, and healing. I am sharing my personal experience and understanding of Internal Family Systems, not offering medical advice. I have gone back and forth on how to begin this blog.…
-
Who Am I? Finding My Core Through IFS
Chapter II – A personal reflection on identity, trauma, healing, and how Internal Family Systems helped me look beyond my roles to better understand the Core Self beneath them. The Question Beneath Everything Who am I? What makes me, me? That is the real question, isn’t it? It is something even the earliest philosophers struggled…
-
When Warning Signs Become Your Story
A personal reflection on how narcissistic patterns in my first marriage shaped my trauma, damaged my self-trust, and left effects I did not fully recognize until years later. Trigger warnings This post includes discussion of emotional abuse, narcissistic abuse, gaslighting, infidelity, coercive control, threats involving a child, family conflict, trauma responses, mental health struggles, and…
-
The Planner: How I Learned to Survive by Always Having a Plan
Chapter III – An Internal Family Systems reflection on control, chaos, military service, trauma, and the part of me that has always kept moving. Before I Introduce the Planner I’ve written before about the fundamentals of Internal Family Systems, who I am at my core, and how my Self is meant to lead my other…
-
Alcohol: The Firefighter I Learned to Retire
Chapter IV – How alcohol became a Firefighter in my life, and why I no longer need him on duty Trigger warning: This post discusses alcohol use, emotional trauma, gaslighting, divorce, deployment, and family conflict. Please read with care and take breaks if needed. I am sharing this as part of my own reflection and…
-
Meeting My Exiles: What My Protectors Have Been Guarding
Chapter V – A personal reflection on Internal Family Systems, trauma, protectors, and the wounded parts I am learning to meet with honesty, compassion, and care. Summary: This post explores the role of exiles in Internal Family Systems and how my protectors—Managers and Firefighters—have worked to keep painful parts out of my awareness. I introduce…
-
Faithfulness, Infidelity, and the Damage Betrayal Leaves Behind
Content warning: This post discusses infidelity, betrayal, emotional trauma, gaslighting, stalking behavior, surveillance, and the painful aftermath of affairs. Some wording is direct and harsh because the topic itself is painful and the impact can be severe. Summary: This post explores what faithfulness means inside a committed relationship, how emotional and physical affairs can develop,…
-
Negative Self Talk as a Manager: The Cruel Voice That Thought It Was Keeping Me Safe
Chapter VI – How I am learning to understand Negative Self Talk as an IFS manager instead of just another voice to fight. Reader note: This post discusses trauma, negative self-talk, gaslighting, narcissistic relationships, alcohol use, divorce, parenting insecurity, and mental health struggles. Please read with care and take a break if you need to.…
My Internal Chain of Command 