My Internal Chain of Command

An exploration of my trauma through internal family systems, exploring the human connection and sharing survivor stories of those who have faced trauma, survived, and continue to heal.

    Survivor Stories – Episode 7: What Happens After Goodbye

    Written by

    JDToomey

    Survivor Stories — Episode 7

    The Grief We Carry: Remembering Abigail and Finding a Way Forward

    Pregnancy loss is a kind of grief that is often experienced quietly. It can affect both parents deeply, yet the people grieving may find themselves navigating that loss in very different ways.

    In Episode 7 of Survivor Stories, Jarod, Mike, Lindsey, and Amber sit down with Ian and Anastasia to hear their story of losing their daughter, Abigail, during pregnancy in 2017.

    Ian and Anastasia share what that loss looked like from both sides of their relationship. They talk about the guilt, self-blame, depression, panic attacks, and the challenges of trying to grieve while also supporting one another. They explain how grief affected their marriage, how communication became difficult, and how counseling helped them begin finding their way back to each other.

    The conversation also explores the impact of trauma beyond the original loss. Ian shares how a later experience involving his daughter’s suicide attempt brought PTSD symptoms into his life, including hypervigilance and difficulty sleeping. The group discusses the misconception that PTSD only affects certain people or comes from certain experiences.

    Mike introduces his “bathtub theory” as a way of describing how stress and trauma can accumulate over time. Together, the group reflects on how experiences we carry can affect us in ways we may not immediately recognize.

    Most importantly, Ian and Anastasia talk about remembering Abigail, continuing to live as a family, and finding a way forward without pretending the loss never happened. Their story is a reminder that healing does not mean forgetting, and that grief can remain part of our story without defining every part of our lives.

    In This Episode

    • Ian and Anastasia’s experience of pregnancy loss and the death of their daughter, Abigail.
    • The different ways mothers and fathers may experience and express grief.
    • The guilt, self-blame, depression, and panic that can follow a loss.
    • How grief can create distance in a marriage, even when both people are hurting.
    • The importance of individual therapy, couples counseling, and honest communication.
    • Ian’s experience with PTSD, hypervigilance, and insomnia.
    • The stigma and misconceptions surrounding PTSD.
    • Mike’s “bathtub theory” and how accumulated stress can affect us.
    • Remembering Abigail while continuing to build a life as a family.
    • Finding hope without expecting grief to simply disappear.

    A Message for Parents Experiencing Pregnancy or Infant Loss

    If you have experienced pregnancy loss, the loss of a child, or another form of grief, your experience matters. You do not have to grieve in a particular way, and you do not have to pretend that you are okay for the sake of the people around you.

    This episode highlights the importance of allowing both parents space to grieve, recognizing that grief may look different from one person to another, and reaching out for support when the weight becomes too much to carry alone.

    Ian shares an important reminder: It is okay for grief to hurt. It is okay to tell people that you are hurting. You do not have to pretend it doesn’t hurt.

    Resources Discussed

    The conversation mentions memorial services and support resources associated with:

    • Deaconess Women’s Hospital
    • Deaconess Gateway
    • Ascension St. Vincent in Evansville

    Please contact these hospitals directly for current information about their memorial services and available support programs.

    If you or someone you know is struggling emotionally, reaching out to a qualified mental health professional can be an important step.

    988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (United States)
    Call or text 988 for free, confidential support. If someone is in immediate danger, contact emergency services.

    Content Warning

    This episode includes discussions of pregnancy loss, the death of a child, grief, depression, panic attacks, PTSD, and a child’s suicide attempt. Please listen at your own pace and take care of yourself if any of these topics are difficult or triggering.

    About Survivor Stories

    Survivor Stories: Breaking Silence, Changing Stigma is a podcast about real people, real experiences, and the stories that often go unheard.

    Our goal is to create a space where people can speak openly about trauma, mental health, relationships, loss, and healing. We believe that sharing our stories can help break the silence, challenge stigma, and remind others that they are not alone.

    You can find us and follow the podcast here:

    Thank you to Ian and Anastasia for trusting us with Abigail’s story and for sharing such a personal part of their lives. Your willingness to speak openly may help someone else feel less alone.

    And to everyone listening: your story matters. You are not alone.

    Music and Sound Effects Credits

    Music: “Strong Character (powerful fuzz action sport rock)”
    Artist/Licensor: LightStockMusic
    Source: Pixabay
    https://pixabay.com/music/main-title-strong-character-powerful-fuzz-action-sport-rock-513742/

    Music downloaded under the Pixabay Content License. Download confirmation retained.

    Sound Effects: QuickSounds
    https://quicksounds.com

    Sound effects used in this production are licensed under the QuickSounds Standard License.

    Required QuickSounds Attribution:
    Sound effects from https://quicksounds.com

    Full license agreement: https://quicksounds.com/page/license-agreement

    Sound effects are incorporated into the production and are not distributed separately.

    Survivor Stories: Breaking Silence, Changing Stigma.

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